Five Reasons Why You Should Have Academic Children

  1. To experience pure, unconditional love. You’ll smother them with affection (force alcohol down their throats until they throw up) and they’ll willingly reciprocate (puke all over your shoes).
  1. To make sure someone is there to look after you when you are old. By ‘look after’, I mean they’ll be there when you’re in fourth-year, taunting you with their lack of deadlines and ability to strawpedo wine without incurring the hangover from hell.
  1. Because you fancy one of them. After all, freshers are hot. This is an unwritten rule in itself.
  1. To watch them blossom from shy, doe-eyed first years into loud, brash, borderline alcoholics. Don’t miss those all-important ‘firsts’, including first random hook-up and first all-nighter!
  1. To teach them what your mother never taught you. Dr. Noodles is not as good as you think it might be. Never wear your favourite shoes to Kinkell. Tequila is not a pre-drink.

Image courtesy of Grain Edit.com.

Comments

comments