The Informer brings you St Andrews' newest – and suavest – advice columnist and man about town. The Suit and Tie is here to help you out of sticky situations, awkward escapades, and sad states of affairs. This week, the ladies of St Andrews are in need of serious guidance on love and dating in the Bubble…
Dear Suit and Tie,
I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We used to have a fantastic time in the bedroom, but for the past six months there's been a drought. He works three times a week at a strip club in Dundee as a barman. Is he getting his fix from his charming colleagues? Even though he says he loves me, he always claims he's too tired. How do I entice him back into my bed?
The setting of a strip club provides an interesting dynamic for your story. I don't know what set strip club fully entails in terms of 'performance art,' you have a very legitimate right to question whether he has become too normalized to excitement. I also don't know what your boyfriend does outside of bar-tending, but working three times a week does not mean that he can't be physically active the other four days. Apart from directly asking him about any possible sexual scenarios that would entice him back to bed (i.e. role playing), I would suggest either a romantic evening out on the town to rekindle your romance, or a cheap romantic weekend getaway. This will indicate whether your relationship can be sustained after a six month 'drought' or whether it's time to move on and let him realize that you have physical needs that are not being met. Try and avoid giving ultimatums between you and his job if your boyfriend desperately needs the money. You can, however, suggest to him to work at a normal pub or bar if the strip-club environment is truly ruining your relationship.
Alternatively (and I mention this as a last resort), you can ask your boyfriend if you can visit the strip club with some friends and see for yourself what may be attributing to his 'fix.' Try not to surprise him as that may actually hurt your relationship more than you 'uncovering something new' in your own secret investigative work, as every chick-flick comedy has shown. I hope you find that sexual oasis in your six month-long drought. Whatever you do, remember that your relationship is not founded on a sexual mirage; rather, it is a deeper understanding you share with each other. Good luck,
– The Suit and Tie
Dear Suit and Tie,
My boyfriend transferred to another university this year and has been pretty good at coming back to visit me. Up until now I haven't minded when he spends a lot of time with his other friends to catch up – he's lonely at his new uni and misses his old pals. But recently I kind of feel like a hotel service, especially when his buddies are all camped out in my house with him. Am I right to feel hard done by? How do I get him to spend more time with me without nagging him?
Your situation is one that many long-distance couples go through once a partner has been uprooted from the comfort of their surroundings. It is understandable that he wants to see his friends that he left behind, especially if they happen to live in St Andrews, where friends almost become family. That being said, if he is using your humble abode as a common room to lad it out with his friends, you should vocalize your feelings on the matter and ask him to take it to the pub. If he invites his friends to stay over at your place on more than one occasion, he is clearly taking advantage of your kindness and you need to let him know. Additionally, he needs to move on with his own life: he can't keep reliving his years in St Andrews. At some point (hopefully next year), his friends will have graduated and there will be no weekly reunion. Remember to be assertive, not aggressive; kind, but not a push-over.
With respect to spending more time with you, you should also vocalize how you are feeling. Try to do it an a way that doesn't appear too needy. Suggest activities that you and him, and only you and him, can do. I'm thinking of a walk, a movie, a dinner between the two of you, or even a game of chess that isolates you both from outside distractions. I wish you the best of luck in making sure you don't end up becoming a Bed and Breakfast inn-keeper. After all, your boyfriend should be the one bringing you breakfast in bed.
– The Suit and Tie
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Original artwork by Elsa McBride.